A few years ago when I sat down to write my Celebrate Recovery (CR) testimony, I came across a document I had written based on a spiritual experience I had prior to starting recovery. The document was written when I was at one of my lowest points in my life—spiritually, emotionally, professionally, and physically.
The document was a recording of a conversation I had with Jesus. That was the first time I had a 2-way conversation with Him. It was very profound, but the significance of it didn’t hit me until a few years after writing it.
Why did it take some time for the significance of this conversation to sink in? It is because when I wrote it I was deep into my depression, addiction, isolation, insecurities, and self-doubt that were blocking me from accepting Jesus at His word. Since that time, I’ve worked through my 12 steps, have a greater sense of God’s presence in my life, and don’t have the same insecurities about sharing my faith.
My conversation with Jesus is now part of my CR testimony. May it encourage you to continue on your recovery journey and share what He has done in you.
My Conversation with Jesus
I woke up this morning. My head was still a bit foggy. I don’t think even a tall Starbuck’s would have helped. But I was remembering the last bits of my dream, something I’ve only recently been doing. This wasn’t dark and scary like many of my dreams of late.
It began by me floating into an area that was bright and warm. I was surrounded by others who seemed to be much younger than I and were much different, but very nice at first glance. They took on almost a comic book feel—dressed in different costumes, but they welcomed me warmly.
…I am awake now.
Not knowing what was going on, I started to ask questions of those there. At first we just talked about ourselves. I really felt so out of place. Soon I began to discover what an amazing group of people they were, but there seemed to be something missing.
It seems that they all had a lot going for themselves, outgoing, intelligent and all had many gifts. I also found that they were wandering, a bit lost with no direction in their lives.
Each one had a different view about where they were going in their lives and how they were going to get there. Some were satisfied with their lives and some were not. I was starting to wonder why I was there. I soon began to panic, not so much that the others would notice.
I really began to wonder…WHY AM I HERE?
Just then I noticed a short distance away was a door, I got up and went to it and opened it. It was a non-descript door, except that when I opened it, I noticed that there was no door handle on the other side. At first I could not make anything out on the other side the door. It was the same warm, light, cheery atmosphere outside as it was in. Not seeing anyone I yelled out, “Is anyone there?” Immediately I was aware of someone standing in front of me.
I’m not sure what he looked like, it was hard to say. He more demanded a presence of strength, not menacing, but caring and love. He seemed familiar.
I asked him why I was here; these people seem nice enough. They didn’t seem to have any problems… anything that I could help them with; and I was no one special…that being there I could not do anything for them …if they did have any needs.
Jesus put his hand on my shoulder and said,
“These are my people, whom I love and cherish, but they don’t know me and are seeking to try to find their way to me—some don’t even realize it, but they need someone to guide them—one who has already found me and has accepted me into their life.”
Lord I am not qualified. I would not know the first thing about leading them to you, and I’m not smart and wise enough.
“You can get to know them; you can love them for who they are. You can discover together what they believe and why. You can share what I have done in your life and you can show them in my WORD what MY answers are and how they are relevant. There will be tough questions, even those you cannot answer right away.”
“BUT ALL of you together can discover the truth because I have provided it for you in my WORD. You are not the first that I have asked this of; many have preceded you and many will follow you. As you grow, you will find that many who have been seeking will come to join ME. Soon those who have been seeking will find it is their turn to find seekers of their own. Your friendships may or may not continue, but you will see that you will find more seekers to bring to ME.”
“With time you will find that your loving and caring spirit will grow, and knowledge with experience will increase with time. Not all have been given this gift, but all have been called to be here.”
“Remember this, you will never be alone; I will be there with you always—whenever you are in doubt, unsure, or feel you are beginning to weaken. MY door is always open; and my WORD is always there for your comfort and renewal.”
Contributed by a leader at Celebrate Recovery on the Plateau.